broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
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