After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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