I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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