It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize