Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
