The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize