Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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