they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround