Wat do u mean how?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks