NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He felt like a one man threesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow