She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
