i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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