I'm really into asian looking animals
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
