I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
