Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize