i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
