never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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