I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
