Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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