If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
