Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
