i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
