where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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