Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
