I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
