FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Houston, we have a blender
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
