it wasn't lemon gatorade
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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