My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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