I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize