she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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