could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
