too bad you live with your parents still
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize