do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
