just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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