I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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