and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
