I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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