hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Randomize
