I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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