she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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