the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
