"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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