We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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