now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize