At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
