So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
