when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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