also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
