She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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