yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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