I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
