I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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