we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
