New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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