Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just pee around me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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