Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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