I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
