just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
