you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
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Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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