I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
