Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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