Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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