no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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