Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
