After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
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From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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