I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
