i just wanna soil my oats bro
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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